(Lander, WY) — The Cowboy State’s prairie dog prognosticator casually emerged from her hole this morning and predicted six more weeks of Wyoming weather being Wyoming weather.
“Tomorrow there could be a white-out blizzard or it could be 68 degrees and sunny. Or both,” said Lander Lil, leaning against her bronze likeness near the Lander Post Office. “We live in Wyoming: who the heck knows what the weather is going to be like ten minutes from now, much less the next six weeks?”
Pushing up the bill of her Maven ball cap, Lil elaborated on her prediction of unpredictability. “Whether this statue casts a shadow or not, it’s highly likely that the weather over the next several weeks — next several months, actually — is an absolute crapshoot. Your guess is as good as mine.”
Lil confirmed that she has never been wrong since her first year of formal forecasting in 1984. “One hundred percent accurate,” the ground squirrel confidently stated. “Every year I confidently state that it’s going to be either an early spring or a late one or maybe there won’t be spring at all, but I don’t specify which one. Who knows? Wyoming’s gonna Wyoming.”
When asked to compare her prognosticating prowess with that of Pennsylvania’s celebrity vermin, Lil chuckled. “Groundhog Day? Gimme a break. Phil’s such a fraud,” she said of the Punxsutawney legend. “Sure, he gets all the national attention, but his predictions are correct, what, like 40% of the time?”
“Shoot, even Don Day’s forecasts are more accurate than that,” Lil added.
h/t Ned Ryerson, Satirical Correspondent