LPD Officer David Hyde

By David Hyde, Lander Police Officer

(Lander, Wyo.) – Here’s an unusual incident; recently I was dispatched to a local residence in response to a third party report (we love those, the people actually involved don’t even want and/or bother to call the Police to report it) of an alleged assault that occurred there the previous night, and the victim was still there.

When I arrived I contacted who I soon learned was the alleged victim, still highly intoxicated, having just polished off a half gallon (yeah that’s right… a HALF GALLON) bottle of vodka.

Now you gotta remember all the information I received next was the victim’s version of the events, so follow closely. Seems this gal, her brother, two other girls, and another guy (whom she later mentioned was her nephew) were all drinking (yep, that old devil alcohol) when her brother and the two girls decided to leave…and so they did. Now if you have done the math you now know this left the gal and the other guy (her nephew…remember?) alone and still drinking. Anyway, they both ended up on the couch and (she said) the guy was “interested” but she said she wasn’t, and that resulted in…well let’s just say…a very graphic conversation best suited for some other type of website.

Now here the plot thickens; about that time the guy’s wife showed up (such coincidental timing is soooo awesome) and knocked on the door, which prompted this gal to, I believe the exact wording she used was, “fling” the guy off the couch and onto the floor. Well by now the guy’s wife had heard all the commotion (apparently it was a very noisy flinging) from outside and the visiting wife looked in and saw this gal and her (the visiting wife’s) husband on the floor and said…well…let’s just say there was another extremely graphic conversation, this time between the two ladies.

Now, if you have paid attention, here is where we can begin to notice somewhat of a contradiction in what allegedly happened.

This gal ended up…on the floorwith the guy… AFTER SHE FLUNG HIM…OFF THE COUCH.

What??? How??? Now even I’m confused.

A little more investigation revealed the events might have not been just as the gal described. According to the guy (still her nephew ya’ know) the gal was actually the “interested” one and he was just sort of along for the…well…you get it, when his wife showed up and things just kind of collapsed all around him.

In the end, there was no evidence to support the allegation of an assault.

The real interesting question was how the domestic situation played out between the nephew/ husband/visiting wife; rest assured, I didn’t stick around to find out!